BOOK DESCRIPTION :
Lacy asked me if I would attend Jesse’s kindergarten graduation, and I said the first thing that entered my mind: “Kindergarten graduation? Hell no.” I’d never even heard the term before. I launched into a good-natured rant about it being one of those helicopter parent inventions where every child must always win and just getting up in the morning merits a standing ovation. I envision Jesse’s kindergarten graduation like this: June, Murphy and I are standing at the back, sincerely applauding the teachers and kids, blameless in the whole charade, Murphy and I nudging each other with sarcastic commentary on the rest of the spectacle, as the tiny scholars proceed down the tiny aisle in their tiny caps and tiny gowns that cost $200 for the one-time gig. Then we’ll chaperone the graduates to a party, at their hangout by the lake, where they chug beer from Paw Patrol cups, knock back tequila shots from sippy bottles… They’ll reminisce about the old days… their favorite superheroes… the milk they drank… the naps they took… the dirt piles they built… the butterflies they chased… Then they’ll wax philosophical, pondering the future…life in the real world…they’ll ask themselves the momentous questions that every five-year old must ask…
–“What do I want to do with my life…policeman or doctor, ballerina or nurse?”
–“Should I go on to first grade, or find a job, start making a living?”
–“Am I built for first grade?”
–“Can we afford first grade?”
–“Where will I matriculate?”
–“Can I place out of any classes?”
–“Is Humdinger Elementary a party school?”
–“Can I afford an apartment or will I have to sleep with my brother in the bunk bed?”
Kindergarten graduation… I can’t wait.
