Trauma in babies does not always look dramatic.
Sometimes, it looks like a baby who cries for hours. Sometimes, it looks like a baby who barely cries at all.
That contrast is one of the most important ideas explored in Alicia McCormick, PhD’s forthcoming book, Get Too Attached: Collective Wisdom on Fostering Babies. Through 30 foster-parent stories, the book examines how trauma can show up in infants and what caregivers have learned by paying close attention to behavior, body cues, sleep, feeding, attachment and regulation.
Many people assume that babies are too young to be affected by trauma because they cannot describe or consciously remember what happened to them. The foster parents in Get Too Attached repeatedly challenge that assumption.
Some describe babies who struggle with feeding. One child may eat very little, while another may overeat because of earlier food insecurity. Some infants have trouble coordinating sucking, swallowing and breathing when they are highly dysregulated. Others may fail to gain weight as expected.
Sleep can be another signal.
Foster parents in the book describe babies who sleep excessively, babies who wake constantly and babies who seem unable to settle no matter how much they are rocked, held or soothed. One caregiver notes that babies affected by prenatal substance exposure may be irritable, fussy and difficult to console.
Attachment can also look different from what caregivers expect.
Some babies pull away when held. Others show little reaction when handed to a stranger. Some develop intense separation anxiety. Foster parents in the book describe learning that a baby who appears unusually independent or “easy” may still be responding to earlier experiences of inconsistent care or separation.
There are also more visible physical signs. Babies exposed to substances in utero may experience tremors, jerky movements, reflux, excessive crying or other withdrawal-related symptoms. But as Get Too Attached makes clear, two babies with similar backgrounds can still respond very differently.
That variability is exactly why trauma-informed caregiving matters.
The foster parents featured in the book describe creating predictable routines, responding quickly to needs, reducing stimulation, using skin-to-skin contact, holding and wearing babies and seeking medical, developmental, occupational, physical or feeding support when needed. The goal is not to force every baby into the same pattern. It is to observe carefully and respond to the child in front of you.
McCormick brings extensive firsthand experience to the subject. She has fostered 34 babies, including medically complex and substance-exposed newborns and teaches workshops on caring for substance-exposed infants and supporting attachment.
Perhaps the biggest lesson is that trauma in a baby may not look like what adults expect trauma to look like.
It may look like silence. Hunger. Sleeplessness. Rigidity. Clinginess. Withdrawal. Or a baby who seems perfectly content.
The challenge is learning to look beyond the surface.
Get Too Attached: Collective Wisdom on Fostering Babies by Alicia McCormick, PhD, will be available soon.
